Wisconsin vs. Ohio State football: how mad the past eight matchups have made me
I have never been mad, online nor in real life, so this should be a short post.
I think it is important to start off this post with a true statement: I have never been mad about sports. Ever. Anyone who tells you otherwise is a liar. Are we all on the same page? OK, good…let’s rank Wisconsin’s eight straight losses to Ohio State in football by How Angry They Made Me then.
The Badgers travel to Columbus this weekend for a Saturday night game with No. 3 Ohio State. The Buckeyes are favored by three scores and most, if not all, rational people fully expect OSU to win and about half of them probably expect them to cover the spread.
Wisconsin hasn’t beaten Ohio State since 2010 (the David Gilreath Kick Return Game) and hasn’t beaten the Bucks in Columbus since 2004 (went down 10-0 but Anthony Davis and John Stocco methodically brought them back to win). Strangely, that 2004 win was their third straight road win in the series and their second straight win overall, having beaten OSU in Madison back in 2003 featuring Matt Schabert, who was only playing due to war criminal Robert Reynolds choking starting QB Jim Sorgi during a pileup earlier in the game, to Lee Evans and ending OSU’s 19-game winning streak.
To say it has been a bleak stretch of games this century against OSU, when one of Wisconsin’s only great moments came during my freshman year of college, is an understatement.
If you really want to get in the weeds of hating yourself on a Thursday, here is a Twitter thread of plays from the Ohio State side of this rivalry which is much, much longer than a Wisconsin one would be.
Alright, I’m suitably Not Angry…let’s do this. The rankings will go from games that made me the least angry to games that made me, somehow, even less angry because, remember, I have never, ever been mad about sports.
8. Dec. 6, 2014, Big Ten Championship Game, Ohio State 59 - Wisconsin 0
Everyone knows that Barry Alvarez told Gary Andersen to throw this game so that OSU could make the Playoff and get the Big Ten their cut of the sweet, sweet CFP Money Pie. A few days after the game Andersen was gone to coach Oregon State, another thing that barely registered on my radar as a cool, rational, collected fan.
This game did not make me mad even a tiny bit because I support the conference in all of their money-making endeavors.
7. Oct. 26, 2019, Big Ten regular season, Ohio State 38 - Wisconsin 7
This game got off to a slow start with nobody scoring in the first quarter and the Buckeyes taking a 10-0 lead into halftime. Even after Jonathan Taylor scored early in the third to cut the lead to three, I still wasn’t upset when OSU reeled off 28 straight points to end the game.
It was not a big deal to me at all.
6. Sept. 28, 2013, Big Ten regular season, Ohio State 31 - Wisconsin 24
Looking at the final score, you’d think this was a close game, but it wasn’t. Braxton Miller came back from injury and threw a bunch of TDs and OSU was up 31-14 entering the fourth quarter. Sure the Badgers made it respectable but this wasn’t a game to get mad over, since I’ve never been mad over any game. Jared Abbrederis had 10 catches for 204 yards! What a game for that guy!
5. Nov. 17, 2012, Big Ten regular season, Ohio State 21 - Wisconsin 14, OT
This was the year that Ohio State and Penn State were ineligible for the postseason so third place in the Leaders Division Wisconsin got to play in the B1G Championship Game (where they absolutely demolished Nebraska lmao).
While it would have been fun to ruin Ohio State’s perfect season, this game didn’t make me mad even though it went into overtime. Montee Ball fumbling on the goal line with a chance to tie the game late in the fourth quarter? The Badgers stopping OSU on the next drive, thus giving the ball back to the offense with another chance to tie? Curt Phillips converting a fourth and long and then finding Jacob Pedersen for the tying touchdown with eight seconds left giving UW momentum heading into OT where they eventually lost?
None of that made me mad! I am like Buddha.
4. Oct. 15, 2016, Big Ten regular season, Ohio State 30 - Wisconsin 23, OT
Another OT loss to Ohio State? That might make a normal person angry and want to throw their phone into a lake, but not me. Badgers being up 10 at halftime and failing to score in the entire third quarter to allow OSU back in the game? Sure, I could see YOU getting upset about that, but not me. Noah Brown pushing off to get himself open in OT to score the winning touchdown? Never been less angry about anything in my life. I am a Pure Moods album come to life. Severe weather warning coming over the PA right before Alex Hornibrook got sacked on the final play of the game? Seemed fine to me because we could always use a little rain.
3. Dec. 2, 2017, Big Ten Championship Game, Ohio State 27 - Wisconsin 21
Here is a game that I was not mad about ever. Not before the game, when a win would’ve meant that Wisconsin finished the season undefeated, won the Big Ten, and got to play in the Playoff for the first time ever, and certainly not after the game when all of those things were off the table.
Just continuing my streak of never being mad! Truly amazing. Did Ohio State shoot JT Barrett up with illegal Chechen steroids so he was able to play? Who is to say? Not me and certainly not the FDA and FBI after I sent multiple letters to them inquiring about it.
2. Oct. 29, 2011, Big Ten regular season, Ohio State 33 - Wisconsin 29
The entire Russell Wilson Season had so many moments that made me not mad and this is one of them! Losing to No. 15 MSU as the No. 4 team in the nation on a ridiculous Hail Mary that probably should have been stopped multiple times on the play? Eh, it was a good game between two talented teams! Losing the Rose Bowl to No. 5 Oregon when Abbrederis fumbled and the ball didn’t even bounce and just sat next to the sideline so the Ducks could recover and then on the final drive of the game the refs said Wilson didn’t spike the ball with one second left and instead time ran out as the Badgers were driving for the tie? You can’t be mad on Jan. 2! It’s the New Year, baby!
However, losing to a down Ohio State team, in Columbus, on ANOTHER bullshit Hail Mary the week after you lost to MSU on one…well, there’s just nothing you can do about that, friend. Time to move on!
1. Dec. 7, 2019, Big Ten Championship Game, Ohio State 34 - Wisconsin 21
Not sure if this game is the one that made me least angry because of recency bias, but here we are nonetheless. This game was so easy to watch and didn’t keep me up all night because the Badgers played so well in the first half! They looked great and you love to see your favorite team clicking on all cylinders.
UW marched down the field quickly on their opening drive to take a 7-0 lead and then held two separate 14-point leads, including heading into halftime after a last second Jack Coan scramble (his second!) for a TD, which was OSU’s largest deficit of the season.
Wisconsin was up 21-7 at the half and I was frothing at the mouth for a win, finally, against the Buckeyes. I wasn’t going to be upset if they somehow blew the big lead though.
There was nothing they could do in the second half, even gaining a mere six yards on the ground and scoring zero points and having punter Anthony Lotti drop a snap to give OSU amazing field position hypothetically, that would make me upset and force me to come to grips with the fact that Wisconsin will never, ever make the CFP in its current iteration and I should just abandon all hope of being happy about college football unless I completely renounce my Wisconsin fandom and just follow cool storylines all season.
Like I said…there was nothing they could do to make me do that!
Oh, if they had hung on to win they would’ve been in the Playoff discussion that year? Haha, that’s funny, because none of that matters to me, a well-adjusted, normal, not mad person.
Hey! Guess what? Bo Boroski retired!
Don’t make me laugh! Or mad. Too late. You already did!!